Assess how kids express their feelings

(For other articles by Dr. Swatantra Jain, please check her website.)

It is not enough to teach and practice some “I” messages to our kids; unless and until we keep assessing at sufficient intervals as to how they really express their “I” feelings. To make this assessment interesting for children, try to convert this assessment into a game. For this, you can take the help of two puppets. For separating their identities, you name them as Riddhi & Siddhi. While Riddhi is assumed to be wise, considerate and a good taskmaster; Siddhi acts as the culprit, doing something bad to others.The teacher/parent asks the kids, “Guys, when you feel bad inside, what would you like to do out of the four options given to the following situations? To make it more obvious, Riddhi puppet explains it still further, as under:

“Guys, we want to see how you people express your feelings? There are four answer options for each of the given ten situations. While two are helpful & positive expressions; the other two are negative. You guys can choose one amongst all the four options by encircling the letter of the option you would make; or if you don’t like anyone of these; write your own answer under the letter “e”:

What would you choose to do under following situations?

1. You feel lonely because your friend Siddhi is not talking to you:
a. Say, “I shall never talk to you”;
b. Say, “I wish you would talk to me some other time, maybe you are in a different mood now”;
c. Try to make friends with others;
d. Cry and complain to God;
e. …………………………………………………………….

2. You are angry because Siddhi stole your ball:
a. Hit her and scream;
b. Ask Siddhi, “I can wait if you want to play with my ball for some time?”;
c. Try to snatch it back;
d. Say, ‘I don’t like it if you take my things without asking me because, I never do it;
e. …………………………………………………………..

3. You feel jealous because your friend Siddhi sided with someone else instead of you:
a. Yell at Siddhi;
b. Write a note to Siddhi telling her that you felt hurt due to being ignored by her;
c. Directly say to her, ‘I feel bad when you ignore me’;
d. Plan to teach Siddhi a lesson;
e. ………………………………………………………..

4. You feel humiliated because Siddhi and some more kids laughed at you while you slipped on a banana peel:
a. Say, “I feel insulted when you people laugh at me, because I never do that to anyone.”
b. Shout at them;
c. Push the guy who gave a lead in making your fun;
d. Share your feelings with one of your close friends or your elder siblings;
e. ………………………………………………………………..

5. You are sad because you couldn’t accompany your friend Siddhi and others to the circus:
a. Hit your family members or whosoever comes in front of you;
b. Think of doing something more interesting at home;
c. Shout and throw away whatever is around;
d. Try to pen down your feelings for not being able to enjoy circus with your friends;
e. ……………………………………………………………….

6. You are terrified as someone (Siddhi) is bothering you too much outside your home;
a. Talk to your parents about it;
b. Beg of him/her to leave you and let go home;
c. Stay home instead of going out;
d. Curse and abuse him/her;
e. …………………………………………………………….

7. You feel upset because due to your papa’s sudden illness, you had to cancel your tour program:
a. Cheerfully do all whatever is required for your papa’s health.
b. Grumble a lot.
c. Show your displeasure by serving him irritatingly;
d. Talk to your father for allowing you to go with your friends the next time;
e. ……………………………………………………………

8. You feel dismayed because despite your hard work, you didn’t score up to your expectations:
a. Plan to work harder the next time;
b. Blame your parents for not cooperating with you;
c. Try to find out the possible reasons for your poor performance;
d. Curse your teacher for giving you lesser marks;
e……………………………………………………….

9. You are sad because Indian team lost its game to England team:
a. Curse the team members for the poor show;
b. Praise the England team;
c. Criticize the Indian team captain for his poor coordination;
d. Try to analyze the real cause of the Indian team defeat;
e. ———————————————————.

10. You feel terrible as your hostel room-mate won’t let you alone:
a. Push him/her out of frustration;
b. Talk to your other friends about this;
c. Talk to him/her about this to find a solution;
d. Play some game/trick with him/her;
e. ———————————————————.

After they complete the assessment quiz, let the Riddhi puppet explain the kids the merits of expressing their feelings positively and trying their level best to not to add negativity while showing their annoyance or other negative feelings. It highlights the following:

While expressing your feelings/emotions, as far as possible, try to avoid;

• Blaming others; instead try to see other’s helplessness or put yourself in his/her role;
• Negative expression; think what would you have expected him to do with you in same role;
• Indulging in destruction of any kind; since you can’t re-do it;
• Shouting back, since it would make the situation worse;
• Using abusive language or derogatory remarks to anyone since it will send negative vibrations for long and bring bitterness in your relationships; and finally
• Never push, kick or hit back.