Marital Bond Inventory
by Dr. Swatantra Jain, Former Professor, Psychology, Kurukshetra University, India
Please rate yourself on the five point scale on these statements related to your marriage.
For the first section, if you find the statement represents your situation completely, give yourself a score of ‘4’. If you feel it is true often but not always, give ‘3’; if you are in a fix and find that the statement is true 50% of the times, then give ‘2’. If you find it is rarely true, give ‘1’; and finally, if you find it totally wrong, then give ‘zero’.
- I have to concede to whatever my spouse wants.
- My partner avoids talking with me about things that I care most.
- My spouse frequently disagrees even over seemingly small matters.
- I feel overwhelmed by my partner’s attitude of controlling me.
- My spouse always tends to take charge, while I am more prone to comply.
- I feel frustrated and have too much difficulty in getting the things my way.
- My spouse does not believe in my capabilities and so we do most things in his/her way.
- My spouse quite often seeks to influence me unnecessarily.
- It is my spouse who always decides whose approach/decision will prevail.
- Often it is I who take a proactive approach to handle the conflict situation.
- I hardly experience the sense of essential mutuality in our relationship.
- I experience more and more frustration leading to increased pressure.
- I feel that my spouse has difficulty in finding the middle ground in giving up control or asserting his/her own needs.
- I feel my spouse to be suspicious of me and always doubting me.
- I experience lack of fulfillment due to which I usually become depressed/resentful as a result of not having my needs met over long term.
For this section of questions, please respond in ‘yes’ or ‘no’. A ‘yes’ counts as a score of 1.
- Do you feel the above problems have become chronic and entrenched (You seem to always follow the same arguments)?
- Does your controlling spouse ever sense that the vitality of the relationship has been drained by this pattern and so became disenchanted of the bond?
- Do you experience or feel the sense of essential mutuality in your relationship?
- Do you feel that compliance becomes a one-sided approach only, when you always are giving in?
- Do you feel that your partner undervalues the frequency & importance of your compromises?
- Do you feel that you have given up on having much influence in the relationship?
- Do you feel unfulfilled despite staying together?
- Do you feel the need for a corrective action plan to preserve the long-term vitality and viability of the relationship?
- Has your partner ever tried tolerating some of the differences without trying to change you?
- Do you usually defer to the wishes of the partner, even if you feel hurt?
For this section, please tick on one right option.
- Do you feel your spouse becomes more and more overwhelmed by your demands and ends up A) flighting or B) fighting?
- What happens when you try to stand up for your needs in your marital relation? You are A) supported or B) boycotted?
- What happens when you don’t accept your spouse’s demands? He/she becomes A) aggressive or B) evasive?
For this last section, you can tick multiple options:
- Indicate your major areas of irresolvable differences (Sex; Domestic chores; Social independence; Financial Security; Job/work; Decision-making freedom; Children; All; None; Any other)
- Indicate the areas of your stress/sadness: (Sex; Domestic chores; In-laws interference; Lack of decision-making freedom; Job/work; Financial insecurity; Children; All; None; Any other)